Becoming An ‘Island Of Peace’ In A Conflict-Ridden World
This weekend I guided a spiritual retreat on the theme “Let Peace Be Your Aim: Spiritual Strategies for Coping with Conflict.” The retreat drew upon practices and strategies for conflict resolution from the various spiritual traditions as we head into the holiday season — a time when many a household turns into a tinderbox of emotions.
Little did I imagine when the retreat was scheduled just how much discord our society currently would face. Disputes have broken out at polling places in the lead-up to the mid-term elections. Shootings continue in schools and other public places. We have now reached a stage in our public discourse in which the 82-year-old husband of the U.S. Speaker of the House can be attacked at his home in the middle of the night by a hammer-wielding citizen because of his wife’s politics.
“Let Peace Be Your Aim” (the retreat title comes from both the letters of St. Paul and The Rule of St. Benedict) focused on practical ways of diffusing conflict, handed down to us from spiritual teachers throughout the ages. We spent considerable time exploring the teachings of the late Buddhist monk and peace activist, Thich Nhat Hanh. As one conflict resolution practice, Nhat Hanh urges us to “humbly” question whether our perception of someone or some event is the only one.
“There are so many seeds of wrong perception in our consciousness,” he writes in his book, How to Fight. “Yet we are quite sure that our perception of reality is correct. ‘That person hates me. He will not look at me. He wants to harm me.’ This may be nothing more than the creation of our mind. Believing that our perceptions are reality, we may then act out of that belief. This is very dangerous.”
It’s also important to remember all things pass, including our conflicts, Nhat Hanh observes. He once wrote to his friend and fellow peace activist Jim Forest when Jim was in jail for protesting the Vietnam War:
“Do you remember the tangerine we shared when we were together? Your being there [in jail] is like that tangerine. Eat it and be one with it. Tomorrow it will be no more.”
What if we looked at the anger we have over a situation or the frustration we feel over a difficult relationship and said to ourselves, “Be one with it. Tomorrow it will be no more?”
Another of his recommended practices: smile when we feel anger welling inside of us. “We kill our anger by smiling to it,” Nhat Hanh says. Simple, yet brilliant.
As usual, I was astounded by how much wisdom emerges from those who attend my retreats. Each of us attempted to create a mantra we could repeat to ourselves when anger arises.
“Pause. Breathe. Smile” was one retreatant’s mantra, “a heart response” to resolving conflict.
Reflecting on forgiveness, another of the retreatants took as her mantra a line from a song by folksinger Carrie Newcomer, “You can do this hard thing.”
I also asked everyone to try their hand at writing a gatha, a Zen meditation verse that contains a set of principles for spreading kindness. One wrote this stunning and beautiful gatha:
“Stop!
Breathe.
Remember you are loved, totally and completely, as are they.
Be curious. Observe.
Remember you are loved precisely in your wounded place.
It will be okay.
You will be okay.
Imagine that love is also flowing into their wounded places.
Speak your truth softly.
Love.”
We also examined how conflict — if handled lovingly, non-violently — can sometimes lead to positive outcomes, as when it causes us to confront aspects of ourselves or perceptions that we have that need to change; when it results in a more just society, as the civil rights protests of the 1960s showed; and when it leads to a peaceful resolution and the repairing of a relationship.
The peace activist Jim Forest often said each of us must aspire to become “a tiny island of peace” wherever we find ourselves. This week, can we “pause, breathe, and smile” when we conflict arises?
Can we question whether our perception of something is the only one?
Can we strive to become “an island of peace?”
I will be repeating the online “Let Peace Be Your Aim” retreat Thursday Nov 10 through the Chicago Cenacle. To register, please visit:
You can listen to Carrie Newcomer’s song “You Can Do This Hard Thing” here:
