Is It Possible to Strengthen Mind, Body and Spirit through Forgiveness?
Forgiveness has always been complicated for me. I mindlessly say “Forgive me” when I accidentally bump into someone or misspeak. On a deeper level, I can insist I’ve overcome a particular wound or injustice only to experience my anger and resentment rise up again like a vision of Freddy Kreuger in “A Nightmare on Elm Street.”
My focus this Lent is strengthening the mind, body and spirit, so last week my husband and I attended a wellness class. We expected to hear about healthy eating, exercise and rest. Surprisingly, we also received an article on forgiveness.
Holding a grudge is bad for your health, the article said. The good news is that “you can train yourself to be more forgiving.”
Let’s be frank. Forgiveness isn’t easy.
We probably have all encountered bad bosses, hurtful family members, difficult colleagues, and disappointing friends.
Some emotional injuries leave lasting trauma. I am thinking here of the survivors of sexual assault and clergy abuse, those who experienced the holocaust, those suffering today because of senseless wars.
Most of the time, though, our hurts occur on a smaller scale. They land closer to home.
There are a few practices I find helpful. One comes from my studies of monastic spirituality.
St. Benedict, the founder of Western monasticism, wisely required monastic community members to say the “Lord’s Prayer” every time they came together for common worship — some eight times a day. One of the prayer’s most powerful phrases is “Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.”
When I come to that phrase, I pause. I picture in my mind the people I feel have wounded me. I recall their names. I’ve been doing this for more than a year now. Each time, it releases a little bit more of the sting of resentment.
Praying in this way also causes me to reflect on my actions — the times I behaved in unthinking, inappropriate, and less than compassionate ways. If I can empathize with my own shortcomings, can I not then forgive others their faults?
We can probably think of people right now who deserve our apology. Sadly though, we live in a society where it is becoming increasingly rare to hear apologies from public officials, our government, institutions, or corporations. But individually we can be better than that.
In the past, monasteries followed a practice in which their members would come together periodically, confess their faults before the entire community, and ask for forgiveness. A less healthy aspect of that practice was that others could also publicly call out another community member’s flaws. I wouldn’t necessarily recommend that!
Still, it might make sense in our marriages, our families, and perhaps even our workplaces, to come join together periodically to identify our own shortcomings and seek the forgiveness of those around us.
Native Americans and Quakers devised something like the monastic model to foster what St. Benedict referred to as “making amends.” They called it a “Peace Circle.”
In a Peace Circle, the offender and the offended meet face to face. Each receives time to speak. The offender acknowledges responsibility and expresses regret. Both sides then agree on a way to repair the wrong done.
Court systems across America are turning to a form of this ancient spiritual practice to resolve non-violent and juvenile cases. It’s called “restorative justice.” The emphasis is less on punishment than on relationship repair.
What are the relationships in our lives that need of repair? Are there people we need to forgive — even if it is only in the silence of our hearts?
Is there some way to seek forgiveness for our own bad behavior?
What are the actions for which we need to forgive ourselves?
As Lent progresses, may the practice of forgiveness enter our hearts, revive our spirits, and bless us with well-being.
